VooDoo Dollhouse

2011-10-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

Rough Draft

Next Unchildren's Story; Fish Dog Sam

2010-03-04T13:47:00.000-08:00

Fish Dog Sam

He squirms and squeals
And reels on his heels
At what the sun reveals

"Everyone in this town talks to themselves"
He yells at himself
"That's not counting the blue tooth
Just the green tooth
And the yellow eyed
Who roll on the ground
And spit out hands
To grab you."

Fish Dog Sam
If ever he swam
He'd of sank for sure
Like a deep sea lure
His heels on the keel
Know how the sun must feel

"I've a beard that hangs down to my cock
And I have pissed into my whiskers
But I don't sneeze on my feet no more."

Then he did the dance where his feet clapped like hands
And his knees hit his stoney elbows
He barked like a fish like a dog like a man
he flopped like a Fish Dog Sam

Washing Down the Moon

2009-08-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

The moon is lopsided

I think someone dented it

I hope they have insurance

You can push with all your might

But you can only pull with your weight

If that is not enough, it is you who moves, not the object

Physics is a bitch

I don’t like sciences with equations that can be solved

Makes it harder to fake that you know what your talking about

The great mouth of the earth

Smiles and gnashes its mountainous teeth

We are all food

Flies do not hesitate

900 facets to look through

And no time to decide

Cows would eat us if they could

They think about it a lot

How much grass can you eat?

High fructose corn syrup

On the cob

Two hump caramel

The mind is a zoo for our memories

Sometimes we try to simulate their natural enviorment

But usually they sleep in empty cages

If I could live on the moon I would

But what would I wash it down with

Things Other People Should Do

2009-07-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

Someone should invent a reverse microwave.
No, not something that would unpop popcorn, that would be stupid.
I mean something that I could take a warm soda, put it in, push a button, and thirty seconds later have a cold soda.
Is that so much to ask of science.

Deep Hot Water

2009-07-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Struggle though I might

No matter how hard I kick
No matter how hard I fight

The surface is out of reach
And air tight

And the temperature’s starting to rise

Struggle though I do

I’m still going down deep
Deep down in the blue

Becoming a piece of
Meat in this stew

Swimming in the deep hot water

And it boils my blood

When I think about those
Who escaped this flood

Breathing the air
And stuck in the mud

Watching me come to a boil

It irks me

Jerks my chain to be
Stuck in this sea

Just who is this soup
That I’m in gonna feed

Swimming in the deep hot water

OolgloO; Alien Palendrome

2009-06-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

On the Menu

2009-06-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

A Bedwetters Prayer

2009-06-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my pee will keep
If I pee before I wake
I pray it will not form a lake

Sniff or Snarf

2009-05-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

The Sugar Bear

2009-05-11T17:57:00.000-07:00

The sugar bear has teeth rotten and sharp
His sticky nose twitches at the smell of fear
His ruined forest is broken and brown
Your bones will sleep beneath its leaves

Bees made honey
Bees made wax
Man made fire
Man made the ax
The sugar bear has a forest
And fire wood was made to burn

Goldilocks may skip and laugh
Draw herself a hot blood bath
Porridge hot or porridge cold
Goldilocks won’t grow too old

Idle Idols

2009-05-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

On Hygene

2009-04-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got some soap that smells like vanilla. It's like washing with a cookie.
Then I picked up some shampoo that smells like apples. Now I'm clean but I'm hungry.
They should make soap that smells like fresh laundry, that way if you don't have anything clean to wear when you get out, no one will know.

Cthulhu's Job Interview

2009-04-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Cruel World

2009-04-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Charming Snake

2009-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

Alien: Sushihead

2009-03-23T15:55:00.001-07:00

Cat Theology

2009-03-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

A little birdy forgot to tell me.

2009-03-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I could actually use some help on this one. These are two watercolors I did about a month or so ago. They look to me like they may be illustrations for a childrens book, but I don't know how the story goes.
I get the feeling that this bird is looking for something, but I don't know what it is. If you know what this bird is seeking, and who else he can ask, please leave a comment or e-mail me. Then again he may not be seeking anything at all, maybe he is warning them of something. Anywho, I am open to all ideas as I have none.

Truth Be Cold

2009-03-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

Upwardly Mobile

2009-03-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

The Expedition

2009-03-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

Tatoos Other People Should Get

2009-03-07T15:57:00.000-08:00

Working at the Plant

2009-03-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

Life of Wood

2008-11-29T11:25:00.001-08:00

My Monsters

2008-11-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

Perspective

2008-11-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Easter Funny

2008-11-11T11:27:00.001-08:00

Robot Army

2008-11-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

God Prefers the Martians

2008-11-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

Alien Desert Bar-B-Que

2008-11-11T08:25:00.000-08:00

What Cookie?

2008-11-11T08:24:00.001-08:00

If I had a Fist (a poem for liberals)

2008-09-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

If I had a fist

Would I throw it at my enemies
Or shake it in the air
Or put it to my hip
And shake my head and sneer

Would I put it to the test
And loosen up some teeth
Or bang it on my desk
And stamp my angry feet

Would it lead me off to victory
While I give the battle call
Or would I swear beneath my breath
And throw it at the wall

Could it change the world
Could it break through brick
Or would I merely jerk it
While it’s wrapped around my dick

If I had a fist

Alien Sensibility

2008-09-15T06:18:00.001-07:00

Bunny Flowers

2008-08-29T06:48:00.001-07:00

Hitchin a Ride, or Skippy's left town

2008-08-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

Caveman single's bar.

2008-08-28T17:25:00.001-07:00

Grip

2008-08-24T08:47:00.001-07:00

City Mouse Country

2008-08-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

Olympic Breeds

2008-08-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

If They really want to be fare they should allow other species in the olympics.
They are afraid they will be out run by a chicken, that's why they're chicken.

2008-08-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

I like the word coping,
because it has two meanings,
and they have nothing to do with one another.

Walker

2008-08-15T10:31:00.001-07:00

work in progress: Summer in the Land of Panic

2008-08-11T09:11:00.001-07:00

Suzy Hates You

2008-08-08T10:36:00.001-07:00

Celebranimitty

2008-08-08T10:35:00.001-07:00

WWI Flying Pig Ace

2008-07-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Sharp as a Hammer

2008-07-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

Dobjects

2008-07-24T19:24:00.001-07:00

I don't realy like to swim

2008-07-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

I have trouble floating.
I geuss I'm dense.

work in progress: Slippage

2008-07-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

The Population

2008-07-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Artificial Wind

2008-07-19T07:57:00.001-07:00

curious thing just happend

2008-07-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

I was looking for fire engine sirens on google, for the population. I tried "Fire engine sirens", and got 50 million fillion pics of fire engines, so I tried sirens, with the moderate feature off. Try it. Not a flashing light in sight.
Lots of naked mermaids.

Note to self:

2008-07-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

My life IS the consequences of the things I've done.

I am a hard friend

2008-07-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

nothing I think is easy.
I wish I had invented the pause button.

something pretty, just for balance

2008-07-07T10:33:00.000-07:00

Guillotte Unsafty Razor

2008-06-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

Cognastious Brute

2008-06-16T17:29:00.001-07:00

Moo cow Stew cow

2008-05-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Mankind should accept that we as a species are a meat eater.
We need to realize that we cannot process grass, cows can,
And they’re tasty.
We should breed cows to be so fat and docile, that they could walk around eating our lawns, and then I wouldn’t need to mow.
We could pet them, and name them. I think I’ll call this one Entre.
You know, if we really worked at it, I bet we could get their markings to automatically grow in that map thing that shows you how to cut them up.

Oasis

2008-05-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

If God had a condom we wouldn't be in this mess

2008-04-14T17:37:00.001-07:00

In an attempt to make something happen he imagines a cave,
And enters.

Splayed played
Inlayed
Displayed on parade
If I ever get enough I will loose it

Hypersensitive expletive executive
As hip as a Q-tip
Fingernail grip
Railroad trip
Gun got fun run
On the money clip

Never have I seen my own eyes

Who are you talking to?
Pancakes don’t care

Girls named after spices are usually cute

I was frankly offended by snoop dogg’s decision to name his daughter chocolate for two reasons.

Firstly, I think a woman should be allowed to pick her own stripper name.

And secondly that makes her chocolate dogg

Which is just wrong.

Mediacracy

2008-04-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

America has a heart that opens like a shower curtain
Swept aside by a naked figure,
Hot water and handgrenades,
That’s what this country needs.

The newsmen pat themselves on the back
For being so fair;
Wink, wink.
I hear of Hillary’s death rattle,
A subtle subtext only they can detect
Until they say it enough for it to be true
Then we will all shout it from the rooftops,
Or the water cooler.

Truth in America is spoken.
It is anything that is spoken,
Enough.

We will never have a president again.
We will only have a show.
I only know about the numbers
And what who’s its said about so and so

I have a vote.
I have a remote.
One of them will make a change.

Ornimental Braincells

2008-01-24T19:56:00.000-08:00

Even my fantasies need proof reading.

Every American is a Mexican at heart
Ready and willing to rip you apart
Armed with a knife to cut out your heart
First one you call when your car doesn’t start

Maybe there right.
Maybe the world depends on me.
But if it does,
I’d get the hell off the world.

We are a hobbled people,
Because we have a tendency to run away.

Sitting with a girl that could make a man's shoes feel tight.
She packed me a bong hit big enough to make my ears touch.
I have fallen on the sidewalk,
But I have not broken a bone,
Or a promise that I ever meant to keep when I made it
In my life.

Go to hell kitty.

Is that a mouse or a rat?
Should I call the exterminator?
Or call the cat?
Should I poison some cheese?
And lay down some traps?
Or get me a March Hair and buy a Mad Hat?

In biology, 1+1=3

An inch of steel kept me from the truth.
Having never disassembled at a molecular level,
I had no way of passing through even the chipping paint.

How can I be rehabilitated if I’ve never been habilitated?

I am not a Role Model.
I am a Cautionary Example.

Once upon a time
There was a purple car.
It was a Duster.
It was spray painted matte purple.
It had no front seat.
Someone who was pissed off at the previous owner
Set it on fire in the Living Room parking lot.
Instead or a front seat it had milk crates,
With pillows.
The back of the front seat survived the fire.
So it looked normal from the street.
Well as normal as a purple car can.
But you had to watch out for sharp turns.
The first gear was busted.
You had to drive in 2.
But the brakes were good and it couldn’t really go fast enough to hurt anyone,
Except when we came back down the hill from the east side.
One time Joey and Tony found these two white boys from Barrington
That wanted to buy some weed.
They had me drive us all DEEP into the Ghetto.
Couldn’t name the street if I wanted to.
All I know is we crawled there,
Past worsening and worsening scenery,
Till we landed on a street where all the windows were boarded up.
We pulled up to a small cottage style house,
With a big yard fenced in chain link.
There was a small fruit tree in the yard.
It was on fire.
The canopy was completely engulfed in flames.
There was a Grey Dread Rasta dancing around and praying to it.
So here we are, two young dread, and me in Mohawk and Leather
And two of the most Deer Eyed kids I have ever seen.
Joey and Tony went out and into the house without batting an eye at the man in the yard, and got the weed.
They came back and as I was driving away
The two of them were passing the bag back and forth.
They were saying what an awesome count it was.
They gave the bag to the kids, and the kids, now breathing normally, were happy as shit.
They gave me some buds and gas money,
And buds to Joey and toTony.
We dropped them off and got some beer and twisted up,
And Joey and Tony pulled out bags that they had used to pinch the kid’s bag,
And each of those was bigger than the kid’s.

There have been many girls named Jen that I have known in my life.
One of them was an extraordinarily cute mixed race girl, who, as it would happen,
Had a very bad week with windows once.
She came to the local squat one day and went to knock on the door
And the window pain fell out and shattered on the floor. It stayed on the floor for weeks.
The next day I gave her ride to Thayer Street and when she got out and slammed the matte purple door the window spider webbed.
We drove with it that way for weeks.
One day while driving down Thayer Street we hit a pot hole.
The window turned to shards and fell like a curtain,
Half inside half outside.
After that the purple car didn’t have passenger’s side window, and passengers were advised not to go barefoot.

The night I thought I lost the purple car was awesome.
I was at the Rocket, big surprise.
I was drunk at the Rocket while they were still fixing the ceiling.
This particular night I had driven the purple car there.
I drove it down Sheldon Street, it was a better slope.
I found a parking space where I knew I could leave it till morning,
And went off, I think with friends (might have been imaginary),
And went into the club.
Frankie saw the car, and noticed that I hadn’t changed the license plates.
I guess I was supposed to,
Although I never technically bought or owned the car.
Well, he came in pissed, and found me sitting
On the cigarette machine.
He gave me the choice of following him home
Or giving him the keys.
I gave him the keys,
And went about my real choices, because I never count on driving.

There aren’t 2 “E”s in Keys.
Just learned that.

Oh what’s one more?
To the score.
Oh what’s more?
I do adore.
I do adore.
Your loving heart.

I wish I could jump higher than my head can.

Melt down babby lay me by the riverside
My life, lately braincell genocide

I would like to live in a world without people,
But where everything still worked.
Like, I don’t know how to make electricity,
Or plumbing.
Maybe a world run by robots.
But you know me; the robots would piss me off.
I’d call them something.
They’d take it the wrong way.
It would all end in a pool of blood and motor oil.

Flippant, that’s what I want to be.

I guess I can jump higher than my head can, but I would have to do some kind of flip with my feet side up. I wouldn’t like to do that.

Daisies dance and Violets pose
Morning Glories choke the Rose

I’ve never gotten to date a woman named after a car, like Porche or Mercedes. Oh, wait, Escort is a car.

It’s the We Bitching Hour.

His brain responds to logic, it just doesn’t generate logic.

I am the fireman of gravity.

Don’t trust trees.
They have too much extra time.

things other people should do

2007-12-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

Valentine heart candies (see post; bleading hearts) the pastel hard powder sugar kind, that say "It's not U. It's Me"

Birds got it Better

2007-12-21T15:50:00.000-08:00

Crispy Dishwater

2007-12-09T08:01:00.001-08:00

SAND complete first issue!

2007-11-03T13:07:00.001-07:00

Tiger and Elephant-A Good Scratch

2007-10-26T20:38:00.001-07:00

Things Other People Should Do.

2007-10-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

Someone in England should start an Anarchist Punk Group called Manchester Divided.

Tiger and Elephant-Sweet Freedom

2007-10-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

2007-10-17T15:06:00.001-07:00

2007-10-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

Tiger and Elephant-Cheese Dimples

2007-10-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

2007-10-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Articles of Reality

2007-10-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

The Articles of Reality

I. Laws of reality.

1. Everything is impossible.

I know you have been taught that anything is possible, but that is a self-contradictory statement. If in fact anything is possible then something must be impossible, or it would be impossible to break the rule that anything is possible, and that’s impossible.
Now instead let us follow my law of everything is impossible. If everything is impossible then the law itself is impossible, which is impossible, so it all works out.

2. Just because something can’t happen doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

The problem here is that people have built a false causal relationship between possibility and probability, when in fact the two are not related in the least. Completely absurd ridiculously impossible things happen all the time. Perfectly sensible rational things hardly ever happen. And whether they happen or not has nothing to do with whether or not we think they can happen. Impossible is not a degree of improbable, because there is no degree to impossibility. Like infinite, or perfection, or dry, it is an absolute and therefore impossible to acheive. Which makes impossibility impossible, just like everything else.

3. The world is not run by logic, it is run by desire.

It is the combined wants and lusts of the living things in an enviorment that direct the evolution of all species within that enviorment, and the changes over time to the enviorment itself. As a result of this a person using strictly reason to guide themself through life is lost. While logic, reason, and the scientific meathod are fine tools to solve physical problems, when dealing with living matter they are often useless.
When dealing with an animal of any sort, logic and reason may be helpful in a general sense, but keep a revolver handy.

4. You can’t always get what you want, and that is a good thing.

Most of what you want is bad for you, but often the struggle to get what you want can be to your benifit. We get exersize reaching for that which would clog our heart were that it was within our grasp. We look good for people we should not sleep with. Our economy is propelled by people trying to be decadent. Lust and avarice are good for the economy. I am less convinced however, that the economy is good for us.

5. As a species population rises, artificial divitions within the species will become more pronounced.

This is not only true of humans but of all species. Lions will be less inclined to leave their pride, ants will go to war. And animals that are not social will mark their territories more. Just as humans become more white and more black, or more Christian muslim and jew. Or become a real patriot, God bless the red white and blue.

6. The world will not come to an end, but you will.

It is the arrogance of man that allows us to think we can end life on earth. We cannot even kill all of our own species. We can however make the world a very uncomfortable place. Even this ruining of the enjoyment of life on earth is not caused by our aggression, but by our tenderness. We just love making babies, and babies are the greatest threat to the enviorment. You can bring down CO2 emissions by a third, but if the population doubles how much good will that do?
The black plague hit Europe and desimated the population, and a century later there were twice as many people as before the first sneeze. In World War II tens of millions died, a decade later the population had doubled. We will never kill as fast as we procreate. I could sure go for some soilent green about now.

It is important to remember that these laws are not the only laws, and that all laws can be broken.

II. The Law in Motion.

1. When dealing with the Physical world, understand that you are both powerful and helpless.

Here I must make a separation between the Physical world and the Real world. It is easy to believe that what we experience the Physical world around us, that what we can see, taste, touch, hear, and smell, is the Physical world, but it is not. All five of our senses are produced by chemicals and electricity in our brain. Our senses are our interpretation of the physical world and while that is Real, in that our senses make up our reality, it is an incomplete picture of the Physical world in which we live.
Therefore we can never truly know the physical world although we are immersed in it. We can affect the Physical world, but our control over this manipulation is tenous, because of chaos. Also, not only can we not predict all of the factors that may way on the outcome of our actions, we cannot even predict all of our actions. We will do things without thinking, and we often have agendas in our unconscious that we are unaware of.
A person standing in the face of these uncertainties cannot simply throw up their arms and invent some tool of denial like fate. While it is true that you are to a large extent not in control of your part in this world, you are completely responsible for your part. You will suffer the consequences of your actions as will every other thing on earth. Everytime you talk you knock a butterfly on the otherside of the world off course by an amount that it can’t even feel.

2. Not everything is about you, even though it will all affect you.

The ego has a tendency to put motives to the operations of the Physical world. This is because of our failure to understand that there is no such thing as an isolated event. We think things happen because of actions, when in truth reality is an avalanche of reaction.
Before attempting to guide your way through my system for steering this avalance, let me first describe the three common types of actions made by living things. There is that which we are most familiar with, although it is rearest, that is the conscious act. In the conscious act we believe that we decide to do something, i.e. move our arm, and low and behold our arm moves. I say that this is the rarest of actions because how often do you think about your arm in the course of the day? Not that often, I’d bet. But your arms are moving almost all the time, and the funny thing is, most of that movement is caused by them just trying to get comfortable. Like the water and the wind, most things just want to find level, but that keeps them in constant motion.
Next is the unconscious act. Many times living things have a general purpose in mind. A herd may want to go north, and angry mob may want to attack an oppressor, things like that. The herd doesn’t think of every step they take, nor does the mob think about every rock they throw. We give our unconscious the general idea of what we want to do, and the spine takes over. This is the most common type of actions taken by living things, if you consider that breathing and circulating blood are actions taken for the general goal of staying alive.
Finally there are third party actions. This is action taken without conscious or unconsous control, as in being thrown in a wave, or bumped in a crowd, or struck by cancer. This is often the world putting you in your place. Make no mistake, if you try to climb a ladder, the world will shake it. We are all of us tested, all of the time.

3. Actions are driven by desires. Desires are driven by knowledge.

We can only desire two kinds of things; those things we know about, and those things we do not know about. This may sound like stating the obvious, but the way in which we pursue these two types of things is remarkably different. Our pursuit of that which we know is very straight forward, the earning of money, the clubbing of someone who owns the item over the head, ect. But the pursuit of that which we do not know is the pursuit of knowledge itself, and in this way our desires better us, depending on the quality of the knowledge we seek. We may for example wish to make a fuel that is abundant, clean and efficient. We may want to know what an amputee looks like when they have sex. How much or how little we better the world depends upon what we lust. The best way to get the economy to benefit the ecology is to get people to want things that help the enviorment. The problem with this is that there is no profit in clean air and sunshine. But someday, when you are charged for your air by the breath, they will fix that.

4. Life is the hardest thing you will ever do depending on how you die.

I know I talk about death a lot, to tell the truth I’m a big fan of death. Death is one of the main ingredients in almost everything I eat. Death keeps housing costs down and opens up job opportunities. Yet death, for all its benefits, should be kept at a distance.
I was on the bus once when a spry old man hopped up on board. As he was walking down the aisle another man recognized the old man. He said to the man in the seat next to him, “this guy here, you’ll never geuss how old he is. 93 years old, you believe that.”
“God bless you.” Said the second man, “And you look so healthy, what’s the secret? How do you get to live so long?”
And the old man said, “Don’t die.”

If you think of life as a carnival ride you will eventual either eat too many hotdogs and throw up, or run out of tickets. And in either case there is going to be a lot of standing in line in between the short bursts fun.
Better to think of life as a job that you don’t really hate, and decorate your cubicle to keep yourself happy.

III. The Bill of Rights to What is Left.

1. You do not have the right to remain silent, no matter how hard you
try. Nor do you have the right to invisibility. You will be seen and heard, although this doesn’t mean you will be looked at or listened to.
The more you pay attention to other living things the more they will pay attention to you. If you are critical of them, they will return criticism to you. If you praise them, they will expect more.

2. You have the right to a fair amount of denial. If you cannot affored an
excuse, blame will be assiagned to you by your peers.

3. You have the right to speedy judgement, even prejudgement, but you
do not have the right to not be judged.

4. You have the right to be wrong, and to stand by your errors in fact and judgment and deny any reasonable doubt.

5. You have the right bear arms, or any other body part, but to do so invites criticism.

I am sorry that you do not have ten rights as you did with the start of the United States constitution, but it only takes five digits to make a fist. And the only right you really have is the right to fight for the rights you think you have.

2007-10-12T16:10:00.000-07:00

On Steroids

2007-10-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

I don't think steroids should be banned in the Olympics. I want to see someone jump twenty feet in the air. I don't care if they are half robot.
I want to see hockey players with their legs intentionally removed and replaced with four pronged appendages with blades on the bottom. Mixed with the tusks they are genetically altered to have growing from their elbows, that is a team that will finally beat the hungry hi breed hippos.

Easter Egg Island

2007-10-05T14:14:00.001-07:00

2007-10-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

Double Negative

2007-10-03T06:59:00.001-07:00

Two Quotes I Love to Put Together

2007-10-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

"A life that is not spent in the service of mankind is a life that is wasted."
-Albert Einstein-

"How to serve mankind...It's a COOKBOOK!"
-Rod Serling-

On Holidays

2007-09-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

Christians have the best holidays.
Kill their god, do they cry?
Do they weep?
No, they hunt for eggs and get sick on chocolate.

Jews seem to like atonement as a party theme.
Even at Passover, let’s celebrate; God in his infinite wisdom didn’t snuff our sorry ass out. But first how about some unsalted five year old cracker and some horseradish and a little manachevettes to wash it down.

All Muslim holidays are based on a diet plan.

I like secular holidays, like Arbor Day.
Some day because of political correctness
Children won’t be able to celebrate Arbor Day,
Because it is unfair to bushes.

The Tail of the Golden Princess Part1

2007-09-27T18:39:00.001-07:00

Easter Bunny Island

2007-09-27T18:24:00.001-07:00

Vulcan at Work

2007-09-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

Sneaky Lizard

2007-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Double Happiness

2007-09-18T12:16:00.001-07:00

Captain Patches

2007-09-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

The Hero of the Battle of Little Big Park, where he single handedly took down Thirty Eight Tennis Balls!

2007-09-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

Cabinet Gods

2007-09-17T18:55:00.001-07:00

I am the Evil Elvis

2007-09-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

I am the Evil Elvis

I ride into town on a dark horse searching for underage poontang. I hotwire a Chevy, and drive the behaved waitress from the diner out to the desert, to screw on reds and bourbon. My attitude is my youth. My life’s blood is the youth of my devoted followers. I will take your children and fly to hell on a jet with tinted windows, and Satan himself will call me Mr. Presley sir and hold his sulpher breath until they announce that I have left the building.

I am the Evil Elvis

I corrupted your parents, and every chore they make you do is penance for their love of me. I am the nail in the feet of Christ. All the cardinals turned queer for me, for my swinging dick, for my pelvis pumping ass. Anoint in my sweaty towel. Christen in my hair tonic. Baptize in my unholy tequila drenched vomit. Become one with the rhinestone heart of the new hipper Christ. Become reborn in the blue suede eyes of the great pop icon God.

I am the Evil Elvis

I joined the army and the communists did tremble. I made even Marilyn swoon. I became a blackbelt in just one day, because I’m just that much of a bad ass. I destroyed the great society. I cooked and ate my teddy bear. I turned the music of the black man’s soul into hooting redneck anthems. Even as I died I shit out one last loaf on humanity and was risen by its’ stench.

I am the king,
The king is dead,
Long live the Fat Dead Evil Elvis.

Just Something Pretty

2007-09-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

2007-09-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

The Antartic Explorer a Year Before His Fateful Expedition

2007-09-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Things Other People Should Do

2007-09-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

Someone should mail this letter to people around the country at random.

2007-09-13T20:55:00.001-07:00

ONE BAD APPLE

2007-09-12T10:19:00.001-07:00

The Economic Landscape

2007-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

2007-09-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

2007-09-04T08:57:00.001-07:00

Things other people should do.

2007-09-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

Someone in the Andes should start a newspaper called the Daily Llama.